H O M E
“I should like to see any kind of a man, distinguishable from a gorilla, that some good and even pretty woman could not shape a husband out of.”
Where would men be today if it weren't for women? In the garden of Eden eating watermelon and taking it easy.
You know you are in love when you are willing to share your cash-machine number.
Everything was going great until I said, 'I love you,' then he got this look on his face like he'd taken a wrong turn in a really bad neighbourhood.
The world's tragedy is that men love women, women love children, and children love hamsters.
I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.
A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
On quiet nights, when I'm alone, I like to run our wedding video backwards, just to watch myself walk out of the church a free man.
The only thing that keeps me from being happily married is my husband.
Marriage is the most advanced form of warfare in the modern world.
I'm afraid that after we've been married a while a beautiful girl will come along and you'll forget all about me.
- Don't be silly. I'll write you twice a week.
21 Funny love Quotes:
1. "You can't put a price tag on love. But if you could, I'd wait for it to go on sale." — Hussein Nishah
2. "I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough." — Russell Brand
3. "I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." — Rita Rudner
4. "I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" — Jean Illsley Clarke
5. "Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing." — Natasha Leggero
6. "I'm now making a Jewish porno film. 10% sex, 90% guilt." — Henny Youngman
7. "My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me." — Garry Shandling
8. "Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in." — Richard Jeni
9. "If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?" — Lily Tomlin
10. "Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner." — Jerry Seinfeld
11. "My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on." — Joan Rivers
12. "Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family." — Chelsea Handler
13. "Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there." — George Burns
14. "I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." — Groucho Marx
15. "Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions." — Woody Allen
16. "If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something." — Fran Lebowitz
17. "Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers." — Richard Pryor
18. "There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments." — Chris Rock
19. "My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light." — Rodney Dangerfield
20. "I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself." — Johnny Carson
21. "My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor." — Elayne Boosler
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